Thoughts On Growing Old

You spend the first part of your life trying to be old, trying to convince everyone that you're older than you are, that you're just as good -- if not better -- than a grown-up.

Then, when you're in your late teens, you put the brakes on trying to be older. Like a wall that you were speeding towards when it was just a speck in the distance, you now start to apply braking pressure to avoid hitting it.

At first you only have to touch the brakes a little. You're almost 20, and 30's a long ways off. You barely have to think about it.

But then you hit 30, and panic sets in. You start hitting the brakes a little harder, as you realize that that wall that was once so distant and so small is now steadily and quickly racing towards you, and the amount of highway between you and it is getting less and less all the time. But you comfort yourself in knowing that at least you're not 35 yet!

But then you hit 35 and you realize that 40's up ahead, and you begin to panic. But then you remind yourself: "Forty's not that old. Forty is the new thirty!" And all of a sudden that wall doesn't seem so close. You breathe a sigh of relief. You thought it was only a few miles away; but now you realize you have at least 5 or 10 miles between you and it.

So you cruise along, enjoying your newfound relief in not being near the wall. But then one day you hit 40. And 50's within sight. And you realize you can't say, "Fifty's not that old." You realize that about all you can say is, "Well, at least it's not sixty!" And so you breathe a sigh of relief at that.

But that wall is closer than it's ever been. And the amount of highway between you and it is getting less and less all the time. And you're running out of ways of saying, "I'm not old."

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Why is it so bad to get old? Why do people try to avoid it so much? Personally, apart from having a slower metabolism and a back that aches a lot more than it used it, I don't mind being old. In fact, I like it. I was really stupid when I was young. And I'm still stupid. But I'm LESS stupid now. And I wouldn't want to be that younger person again.

But time is a one-way street. And there's no turning around on it. And no matter how hard you wish for it and try to rationalize it, at the end of the day, like the final draw in a hand of Texas Hold 'Em poker, you just have to accept that the hand is almost over. The river card's been played. It's time for the showdown.

If I could go back to being 20 again, but stay the person I am, I would. But if going back to being 20 meant going back to being the person I was when I was 20, there's no way I would do that. That person frightens me.

So it's all just as well, I think.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I don't mind getting older and agree that I wouldn't want to revisit 20 unless I could go back with my current mindset. What I have a problem with is that responsibilities and choices keep me from doing exactly what I would like to do in life. Go to Europe and spend a month backpacking? Can't, the kid starts college in the fall. Go on a date with a pretty young woman? Can't, I am in a committed relationship and my wife surely wouldn't appreciate that at all. Fed up with work and quit? Can't, I have a mortgage, a wife, a kid in private school, and a car that need new struts. I miss having no responsibility. I love my life, but this is not the life I thought I would have.
Forrest said…
Happy birthday, old man. I'm with you on all counts, but at 58, ready to make a final dash for the stuff I didn't do when younger. Less worry, less embarrassment, smarter, still plenty cute and strong, running faster/farther than ever, still sharp, curious and creative; I'm now a force to be reckoned with and out of time or at least I like to think so.

Rock out, amigo. I hope you have a 100 more good ones in you. We must set an example for the kids who follow us, you know?
ioquatix said…
Old age is a privilege enjoyed by few.
Anonymous said…
"But if going back to being 20 meant going back to being the person I was when I was 20, there's no way I would do that" - sorry, but I am sure you would and you know that. :)
Neil said…
I don't know. The person I was 20 years ago scares me - he was such an idiot! Remember: when I say "the person I was" I mean exactly as I was - without any of the insights, experiences, wisdom, etc. - not just being in his body, but with my mind. That really frightens me, to think of being that idiotic person again. I really don't know if I would do it.
Neil said…
True. Instead of regretting getting older, we should just be grateful that we got to live this long! :-)
Neil said…
Yeah - here's to making the next 20 years better than the last 20! I'm with you on that. And, yeah, old people can get away with more stuff. So that's great. :-)
Neil said…
"I am in a committed relationship and my wife surely wouldn't appreciate that at all." That made me laugh hysterically. Understatement really is the best humor. :-)

And, yeah, I know what you mean about responsibility. I remember once, when I was in my 20's, I lived out of an old Cadillac I had. Front seat was for driving. Back seat (5 1/2 feet wide) was the bedroom. And all my worldly possessions were in the huge trunk (some clothes; couple boxes of books (remember those?); one box of kitchen stuff; and some food). Parked it in a friends driveway for a month. That was, indeed, the only time I've owned my own home! :-) The simplicity of that was great. We over-complicate our lives.

I feel for you. But keep in mind the kids will be out of college soon enough. Then you and the wife can sell/rent the house and do some travelling or whatever. Not too far off.

It's like the saying goes: "It's never to late to become the person you thought you could've been."
adamrights said…
Oh man, it's so true the things you can get away with when you're old. I look forward to that. I've always enjoyed it when the late 50's/60's crowd hangs with my crew...it leads to the best adventures.
Anonymous said…
I don't mind getting old. I mind getting close to the wall. If there was no wall there'd be no problem getting old.

On top of that the older you get the more things break. My eyes aren't what they were at 20. My back is not what it was at 20. My feet are starting to complain. Apparently no more hiking for me. My mom just had to have her hip replaced.

So while I like the sum of the experiences that have made me who I am I don't like the limits and problems that come with aging.
Anonymous said…
The only downside is that you're going to die! Other then that, I kind of like getting older.
Neil said…
Yeah, I agree! Dying and having your body not function as well as it used to. Otherwise, I like it better too. :-)
Neil said…
Yeah. Agree 100%
Neil said…
Hmm, haven't gotten there myself. I'm still young enough to be accountable for my actions, but too old to actually do anything worthwhile... ;-)

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